ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
