you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
