woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
