She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
