i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
