You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize