Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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