I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
they need to just BURY HIM!
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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