It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
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you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
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Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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