The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
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Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
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I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator