sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.