are you still at the devil's house?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
So is that a yes?