If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night