he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
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I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
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But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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