you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
