Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
