Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
