I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
