It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
