mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i believe in u and ur pee
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
