she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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