so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
