it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Rumble strips road head = magical
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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