Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
