Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
