Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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