Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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