Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
