I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
