Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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