somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize