So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
