Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
