It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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