My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I understand Curling. That high.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
