So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I would ride that face into the sunset
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
