So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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