You can't special order awesome
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
