Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
