I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
