Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Randomize
