Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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