those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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