Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
