We're facebook friends in real life
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I got inside last night via doggy door
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
