Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
