Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
