So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize