I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
