Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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