So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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