My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
