I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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