Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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