The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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