too bad you live with your parents still
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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