just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
