Yo dont text me then not text me
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
