we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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