just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
