I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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