The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
