Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
