I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
