Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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