Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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