Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
