a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
