I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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