hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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