I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Dear god my vagina.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
