Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
