Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
