saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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